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Funny Quotes From My Name Is Earl
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Joy: I want half that lotto money, Earl.
Earl: Yeah? Well, I wanted a legitimate baby and a wife who didn't huff paint on Thanksgiving, but I guess life's full of little disappointments, now ain't it?

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Catalina: Who is this Carson Daly? Is he some sort of spiritual leader? A holy man?
Randy: You’ve never seen TRL? You’ve got to start putting on some of these TVs when you’re cleaning the toilets.

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Earl Hickey: Don't they have special bars for the queers--I'm sorry, homosexual Americans?

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Donny Jones: (to Earl)No if you'll excuse me, I've gotta help a prayer buddy in the garage. When he showed up I thought he was speaking in tongues, but it turns out he was just back on the stuff.

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Earl: So you're all churched up now, huh. Good for you. Giving up all that hurting people.
Donny Jones: Turn the other cheek now.
Earl: And you got a tattoo of the Red Sea to prove it.
Donny Jones: Wanna see it now. (he goes to pull down his pants)
Earl: No, I'm still gonna pass on that.

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Earl: Why are we stopping?
Randy: I think we got a flat in the back.
Catalina: Yea, I heard it too.
Earl: Damnit! I just got those tyres five years ago.

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Earl: (voiceover) Joy knew that video is the only thing close to a will I have, and normally she's not violent, but money makes people crazy.

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Joy: Next time you steal a camera Earl, make sure the thing works.
Earl: I think I got it on.
Joy: I love you Earl.
Earl: I love that you love me.
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