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Funny Quotes From Seinfeld
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ELAINE: So now Joe Mayo wants me to buy him a new coat.
JERRY: Because you threw it out.
ELAINE: No, because I was in charge of the coats. It's insane!
JERRY: But you did actually throw his coat out the window?
ELAINE: But he doesn't know that. As far as he knows someone stole it, and that's the person who should be held responsible.
JERRY: But that's you.
ELAINE: So I guess I'll have to buy him a new coat, even though I don't think I should be held responsible, which I am anyway.

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GEORGE: What's in the big salad?
JERRY: Big lettuce, big carrots, tomatoes like volleyballs.

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GEORGE: Who steals prescription glasses?
ELAINE: You don't have an old pair?
GEORGE: I broke 'em playing basketball.
JERRY: He was running from a bee.

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KRAMER: Where are the totebags? I'm not leaving the premises without totebags. I was promised totebags, and totebags I shall have.

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JERRY: Are you going to tell your parents you're still alive?
GEORGE: No. They could use the break.

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KRAMER: You remember my corporation, Kramerica Industries?
JERRY: Alright.
KRAMER: Well, apparently NYU is very enthusiastic about their students getting some real world corporate experience.
JERRY: But you only provide fantasy world corporate experience.

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GEORGE: I never thought I'd fail at failing.
JERRY: Oh, come on now.
GEORGE: I can't do anything wrong.
JERRY: Nonsense. You do everything wrong.
GEORGE: Everything?
JERRY: Everything.
GEORGE: You really think so?
JERRY: Absolutely! I have no confidence in you.
GEORGE: Alright. I guess I just have to pick myself up, dust myself off, and throw myself right back down again.
JERRY: That's the spirit! You suck!

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JERRY (about George): It's a shame his parents didn't get divorced thirty years ago. He could've been normal.
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