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Funny Quotes From Family Guy
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Woman: I promise it will never happen again.
Child Services Worker: I hope not Mrs. Stevens, because next time we won't just take him away, we'll kill him.

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Old Lady: What a precious little boy.
Meg: That's my ..uh, uh.. son.
Old Lady: Your son? But you're just a baby yourself. Henry, give the little skank a nice tip.

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Lois: Excuse us. We're having a small problem with home security.
Peter: Do you guys have those round metal things that you bury in the ground, and when you step on them, they explode?
Sales Clerk: Land mines?
Lois and Peter: Land mines!
Peter: It was land mines.

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Quagmire: Well hello, lips, legs, breasts, and ass.

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Stewie: Write this down, you toad-faced frump. I love pancakes.

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Quagmire: Tuesdays in the '80s I was always in bed by 8:00 ... and home by 11:00.

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Peter: And Joe, I've had new neighbors before, but none of them were half the man you are. Since you're half a man already, that splits them into some kind of fraction I can't even measure.

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Peter: Yeah, our neighborhood hasn't been this united since Quagmire figured out how to get us free cable.
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