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Funny Quotes From Family Guy
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Stewie: Ahhh damn it to the bowels of bloody hell.
Lois: Well the baby's up.

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Brian: Oh, good, I was afraid you were just going to improvise
Peter: Oh, well actually I was gonna use the little girl as a human shield and run like hell, but uh, that'll be easier on my back.

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Mr. Weed: Peter, make yourself useful, go get Joe a drink.
Peter: Sheesh, first he takes my friends then he takes my job, and the way I wear my hat... no no, he can't take that away from me.

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Joe: Say, do you have a screwdriver I can borrow?
Peter: Man, you neighbors are like viruses, starts with a screwdriver, then before you know it you're using my supermarket, dry cleaner, even my postman.

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Lois: This is Stewie, honey say hi to Mr. Swanson
Stewie: You will bow to me!

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Mr. Weed: Unfortunately Johnson isn't here to pitch today, his wife is in labor
Peter: Oh what, is the baby coming out of him? Jeeze I'll pitch.

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Lois: They might be very nice people.
Peter: Very nice people, yeah that's what they always say. Then you open up the septic tank and BAM, skeleton city.

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Stewie: I'm free, free from the spell of those diabolical teletubbies! Thank you! When the world is mine your death will be quick and painless!
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