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Funny Quotes From Everybody Loves Raymond
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(Frank snatches the garbage bag full of the food Marie threw out of the fridge)
Marie: Where are you going?
Frank: On a picnic! Out with the old bag! (points at Marie) In with the new! (holds up garbage bag)

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Marie: You ordered this, Frank.
Frank: Why do you assume it's me?
Marie: Because you're the one who wants to kill me.
Frank: Okay. But I still didn't order this.

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Marie: Raymond, Debra is teaching me so much about cooking.
Ray: You're learning cooking from Debra? Okay, (points down) so heaven is here, (points up) hell is here, it's raining monkeys, and wood is now a drink.

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Ray: Look at me. I'm a goofy doofus with a foofy toaster.

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Marie: Don't you tell me to be quiet! I have a mind of my own you know! I can contribute! I'm not just some... trophy wife!
Frank: You're a trophy wife? What contest in hell did I win?

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Robert: Oh God, I was just thinking about my childhood, and dad, playing us in ping pong.
Ray: Oh yeah, with the taunting...
Robert: Yeah, and the rhyming of the scores.
Ray: Ten serving three, you can't compete with me.
Robert: Fourteen serving one, you're really not my son.

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Frank: Marie, get a mop, 'cause after I play Ray, the floor is going to be soaked with tears.
Ray: Yeah, but they're gonna be your tears, 'cause it's gonna be your funeral.
Frank: If it's my funeral, how could I be crying?
Ray: Nice try!

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Frank: Hear ye, hear ye. Will all women and children please retreat to a safe distance, except for my little girl, Raymond.
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