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Funny Quotes From Everybody Loves Raymond
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Robert: Mom, I'm scared... to be alone.
Marie: You mean for the rest of your life.
Robert: No, but thanks for bringing up that possibility.

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Ray: So what do you wanna do... hey, jacuzzi, jacuzzi, ja-cuzzi ... bubbles in my heinie, Pop!
Robert: So you're scared of being alone?
Ray: Where do you get that from 'bubbles in my heinie'?

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Robert: Discovery Channel, Cubby! Nature'll put you right out!
Ray: Unless it's about monkies, right?
Robert: W-what?
Ray: Nothin'. I just remember that you had a shoe tree, that you thought looked like a monkey... holding an axe

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Ray: (when Robert puts his feet up in the car) We must've hit a skunk that crawled out of the ass of another skunk.

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Ray: (to Debra) I know you're small, but in bed space, you're like one of those monsters on the spaceship... ahhhhh...

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Ray and Robert are in the kitchen.
Ray: I sense a disturbance in the force.
Maria walks in.
Robert: How do you do that?

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Ray: I didn't say I had a problem with it, all right? I'm just trying to be nice.
Debra: Yeah, "fake" nice.
Ray: (shouting) What's the difference?

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Debra: I don't think you want to go yet. You're going to miss the awards ceremony.
Ray: Huh?
Debra: Yeah. And the winner for Best Performance as a Husband goes to (pretends to open an envelope like a presenter at an award ceremony) Ray Barone for Mr. Fantastic Visits A Park.
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