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Funny Quotes From Everybody Loves Raymond
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Ray: (talking about the dog) I love him like an incredibly ugly son.

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Robert: Do you guys have any Maalox or something?
Debra: What's wrong, Robert? Did you eat something bad?
Robert: I'm a cop and I live with my parents. I'm on a steady diet of human suffering.

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Debra: Ray, the last thing I need is something else that eats and poops.
Ray: Okay, I'll stop doing one of the two.

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Dog's owner: You don't know how it feels to be separated from something you treasure so much!
Ray: Oh, I'm sure Baron feels the same way.

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(Ray visits the priest to ask for forgiveness)
Priest: Your parents are Frank and Marie Barone?
Ray: Yes!
Priest: You're absolved.

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Debra: Ray, see what's going on.
Ray: I think I just saw the inside of my retina.

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After imitating Marie and Frank:
Debra (As Robert): Gee! It never ends for Raymond! You're a lucky man Raymond! Everybody loves Raymond! Everybody just loves Raymond!
Robert: Do me now!
(the family stares)

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Debra: Dr. Nora is coming here, she's coming here! (laughs)
Ray: Get out of here, why here?
Debra: She wants to interview me for a book she's doing on the American family.
Ray: Why you?
Debra: Because she says I'm part of a vanishing breed: The Housewife.
Ray: I called you that and you made me sit in the garage.

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