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Funny Quotes From Father Ted
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Ted: So there he is. Risen from the dead. Like that feller.... E.T.

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Polly Clarke: My husband. Now there was a man who really was afraid of Virginia Woolf.
Ted: Why? Was she... following him or something?

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Dougal: Aah! Brilliant. A load of people in a stable! It's the one thing I didn't expect.

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Ted: So... let me get this straight. You were up on an old man, riding him around and whipping him. For an hour.
Dougal: Yes.
Ted: You realise that image will stay with me for the rest of my life?

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Dougal: Put your clothes back on, Carol, I can't concentrate.

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Fr. Stack: While you were out, I got the keys to your car. And drove it into a big wall. And if you don't like it, tough. I've had my fun, and that's all that matters.

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Dougal: What's going on?
Priest: I think Ted has a plan
Dougal: No. I mean in general.

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And now on BBC1: Jurassic Park. The Director's Cut. With extra dinosaurs.
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