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Funny Quotes From Father Ted
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Jack: Feck! Nuns! Reverse! Reverse!

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Ted: Now concentrate this time, Dougal. These (pointing to plastic cows on table) are very small; those (pointing out of the window) are far away...

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Father Stack: I want to listen to some music.
Ted: Oh, that's fine, you go ahead there.
Father Stack: I wasn't asking for permission.

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Ted: Dougal, you can't go around wearing an earring.
Dougal: But Father Damo has one!
Ted: Oh I see, so did Father Damo give you the idea?
(Dougal nods)
Ted: Honestly, Dougal, what next? Will he be giving you crack cocaine or something?
Dougal: Crack cocaine! Now come on, Ted.
(Dougal looks very shifty)

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Ted: Honestly, Dougal, could you not knock the old rollerblading on the head for a couple of weeks?
Dougal: You're right Ted. I used to be happy enough with me old bike - I used to get a big buzz out of just going down to the shops on it, you know? But after a while... it just wasn't enough. I started going for bigger and bigger thrills... But I could give it up! Any time I wanted!
Ted: You tried to give it up yesterday and you couldn't.
Dougal: (falling to his knees and weeping into Ted's crotch) You're right, Ted, I admit I've got a problem...

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Old priest: I really shouldn't be here.

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Ted: You know the phrase 'to take care of something'? Well, I realise now that you meant that in a sort of Al Pacino way. Whereas I was thinking more along the lines of Julie Andrews.

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Dougal: God I've never seen a clock at 5 a.m. before!
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