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Funny Quotes From Father Ted
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Dougal: Those women were in the nip!

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Jack: I love my brick!

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Mrs Doyle: Pat was just wondering if he could put his massive tool in my box.

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Ted: Dougal, have you been drinking?
Dougal: Yes Ted. I've been drinking like a mad eejit. (stage wink at Father Stack) I mean, no. I haven't.

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Dougal: As if magic, I can create a big crowd of invisible ducks.

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Dougal: How come all the rocks are different sizes?

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Ted: Sheep, like all wool-bearing animals, instinctively travel north, where it's colder, and they won't be so stuffy.

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Dougal: Can I stay up tonight to watch the scary film?
Ted: Ah, no no no. The last time you stayed up to watch a scary film you ended up having to sleep in my bed. I wouldn't mind, but it wasn't even a scary film.
Dougal: Come on, Ted. A Volkswagen with a mind of its own. If that isn't scary, I don't know what is.
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