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Funny Quotes From Father Ted
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Dougal: Oh Wow! It's like a big rabbit rock festival!

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Dougal: Do you believe in God, then Ted?

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Dougal: I'll have them Mrs Doyle. I love egg. In fact sometimes I think I'm going to turn into a big giant egg.
Ted: I think that process has already begun.

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Ted: His note from the bishop said they never really found a suitable place for him... he's not a very nice man, is he?
Dougal: God, Ted. I've never met anyone like him anywhere... who would he be like - Hitler or one of those mad fellas.
Ted: Oh, worse than Hitler. You wouldn't find Hitler playing jungle music at 3 o'clock in the morning.

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Ted: The holy stone... It must be even holier than we thought. Perhaps it's something to do with that fellow who came over from England last year. He touched it - and he grew a beard!
Dougal: Wow. Weird. That'd be nearly enough to upgrade it to a Class 1.
Ted: Ooh, Class 1'd be very rare. That'd be bringing people back to life... time travel... cloning dinosaurs... Very rare.

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Dougal: Well, who cares anyway? They come in, they strip down the wallpaper, they fumigate the place and they're gone. What's so bad about that?
Ted: Dougal, they're bishops!
(pause)
Dougal: ...Oh right, yes.

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Ted: I think it might work, Dougal. I know it'll work. It will work.
Dougal: It won't work, will it Ted?
Ted: ...It won't, no.

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Ted: What am I doing on the fecking wheel!!!
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