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Funny Quotes From American Dad
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Hayley: My mother stole my boyfriend!
Stan: Your boyfriend stole my wife! Let's get back at them by dating each other! Wait a minute. Daddy didn't think that through.

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Lindsay: (To Roger) And this is Jewel...
Jewel: Your date.
Roger: No, God! Oh, God! I'm out! I'm out! Eww...

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Steve: (About Roger) I can't believe he's gone...
Francine: He's up in heaven now, bumming smokes off Jesus.

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(Steve, Hayley, & Francine stand in front of Roger)
Steve: No, former dad!
Stan: Nobody threatens my family. Now, get out of the way or I'll shoot you all.
Hayley: Oh, God, it's my junior prom all over again.
Gertie: (Hitting Stan with her umbrella) Leave her alone, you two-dollar Pai Gao whore!

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Gertie: (To Stan, about Roger) Leave her alone, whitey!

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Roger: Don't hurt me! I know it's a cliche, but I mean you no harm!
Stan: You're the alien? But they said you'd be bigger, and with claws.
Roger: Oh, I've got claws. Look how fat you are. See? Kitty can scratch.

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Francine: We're so glad you could make it. Where's your wife this evening?
Bullock: Handcuffed to a radiator in Fallujah. She wanted to come, but I do not negotiate with terrorists. Hey, do I smell meat loaf?

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Gertie: Call him a carpetbagger!
Roger: (On phone with Stan) You're a carpetbagger, Stan! You know that? (To Gertie) What's that?
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