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Funny Quotes From American Dad
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Francine: Look at you two. Who would've thought guns would bring you so close together?
Stan: I know. If only we could get some guns to the Middle East.

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Hayley: But you were paralyzed by a gun.
Stan: No, I was paralyzed by you. Look, I'm not going to point fingers here, because I can't. Because of you.

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Stan: Hey, don't worry about me. I'm still your same old dad. What's that sound? Oh, I'm peeing. Fantastic!

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Hayley: (Hears laughter) What the hell! That's the burglar! Dad staged the whole thing!
Francine: Yeah, I get it, Hayley. I'm unrape-able, not stupid.

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Hayley: I'm such a hypocrite!
Francine: Honey, he was robbing us. And he was gonna force himself on me.
Hayley: He said that?
Francine: Well, no, but I assume.
(Hayley glares)
Francine: What? You think I'm not attractive enough? That-That what? That he's just skip me and go straight to you? Well, aren't we conceited?

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(Gunshot is heard)
Hayley: I... I shot him.
Stan: Murderer! Just kidding. You saved the family, kiddo. Pizza? Let's order pizza.

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Stan: Look, the NGA is the only thing in my life that means anything to me.
Francine: (Coughing) Ahem.
Stan: What, are you getting sick? Don't come near me! I can't afford to get sick!

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Hayley: NGA Land? A gun park?!
Stan: Yeah, Sugar Mountain closed down years ago. This is basically the same thing, except instead of riding a choo-choo through Fairy Book Land, you'll ride a bullet through a mugger's chest.
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