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Funny Quotes From American Dad
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Hayley: Dad, you're a weapons expert! When was the last time you fought someone hand-to-hand?
Stan: Don't worry, Hayley. It's just like beating up a bicycle.

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Stan: Francine, I want you to stop this nonsense.
Francine: "Nonsense"? This job is my career.
Stan: No, my job is a career. This is just some silly housewife's hobby.
Francine: Oh, yeah? Well, this silly housewife loves her "hobby." She's good at it. In fact, she kicks ass! So, her big career-man husband is just going to have to deal with it.
Stan: I could have assassinated you!
Francine: What?
Stan: Nothing.

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Man: You are all going to live...
(Smith family cheers)
Man: ... for 24 more hours. Which is just enough time for you to learn not to interrupt someone when they're talking.

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Steve: (After Hayley walks in bald) Whoa, nice dome. You're almost as ugly as Roger.
Roger: I'm not ugly! Am I?

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Stan: (As Hayley's stripping) Woo! Yeah! Shake it, baby, you will not break it!
Francine: It took me nine months to make it!

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(Hayley hangs upside down on pole, wig falls off)
Man #1: Oh, man, that's gross!
Man #2: Yeah, that's the one place you want them to have hair.

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Stan: (To clown) How much longer do I have you for?
Clown: Two hours.
Stan: Go read to my wife.

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(Hayley is stripping in front of a guy)
Man: Oh, yeah! Who's your daddy?
Stan: I am!
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