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Funny Quotes From American Dad
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Page 41
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Therapist: (About Roger) How do you feel?
Stan: I guess I feel kind of... sad?
Therapist: And do you know why?
Stan: Because I... miss him?
Therapist: No, because... you're a lady!
(Everyone laughs)
Stan: I am not a lady!
(Stan leaves, slams door)
Therapist: Wait, Stan! You forgot your purse.
(Stan re-enters room)
Stan: Oh, I swear I'd lose my own head if... Hey! I don't have a purse!

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Steve: Don't you have any feelings?!
Stan: Son, feelings are what women have. They come from their ovaries.
Steve: You're a monster! I have no father!
Stan: I'm not a monster.
(Skull falls out onto the floor from fire oven, Stan kicks it back in)

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Hayley: (Referring to Roger) Dad, I think he's dead.
Stan: Well, then I guess he wouldn't mind if I poked him in the eye with a fork. (Stan pokes Roger in the eye with fork, pulls eye out, everyone screams) Yeah, he's dead.

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(Roger watching "Dynasty" on TV)
Joan Collins: (Slapping each other) You bitch!
Linda Evans: Bitch!
Joan Collins: Bitch!
Linda Evans: Bitch!
Roger: God, they sure knew how to write female characters back then.

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Kid #1: (About Hayley) She's a harlot!
Kid #2: They should be stoned!
Jeff: Way ahead of you, kid.

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Stan: Deputy Director Bullock, I had no idea you were watching. Glad I could be so impressive. I'll take my victory muffin now. Make it... bran.
Bullock: I'm afraid your usual muffin's been earmarked for someone else.
Duper: Hi, Agent Duper. Big fan.
Bullock: Agent Duper not only bested your time, he did so with a far better catchprase.
Stan: What, better than "shock market"?
Bullock: Duper?
Duper: (Grabs a grenade, pulls pin, in a Ricky Ricardo-type accent) Lucy, you got some 'sploding to do.
(Duper throws grenade behind him, explodes in the background)
Stan: Oh, we're doing accents now?

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Stan: You saved my life! How could I ever repay you?
Roger: You got TiVo?

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Hayley: Dad, what you're doing violates every tenent of a just and and rational society.
Stan: (Brief pause) High five!
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