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Funny Quotes From American Dad ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Page 9 - Page 10 - Page 11 - Page 12 - Page 13 - Page 14 Page 15 - Page 16 - Page 17 - Page 18 - Page 19 Page 20 - Page 21 - Page 22 - Page 23 - Page 24 - Page 25 - Page 26 Page 27 - Page 28 - Page 29 - Page 30 - Page 31 - Page 32 - Page 33 Page 34 - Page 35 - Page 36 - Page 37 - Page 38 - Page 39 - Page 40 Page 41 ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Jeff: God, it's so beautiful out here. I want to weep. Hayley: Yeah, look, Jeff, I have bad news. This is a breakup hike. Jeff: What? But-but-but we're so good together! Hayley: No, we're not. You never challenge me. You just always agree with me. Jeff: You're right, I so do that. But I can change. Hayley: No, you can't. Jeff: You're right. Let's get married. Hayley: Goodbye, Jeff. Jeff: Good call, babe. You can do better. Hayley: Hello, Deputy Director Bullock. You're looking well. Stan: Uh, sir, you-you remember Hayley, my, uh... son's sister. Bullock: Of course, I'm surprised they let you through security. I guess those scanners can't detect half-baked, policitcal ideology, hmm? (Stan laughs, forcefully) Hayley: You're lucky. As a cockroach, you'll actually survive the nuclear war you're working so hard to incite. Hayley: Dad, do something! Stan: (To waitress) So, what exactly is a frittata? Hayley: Dad! Stan: Hey, I'm hungry. This guy rode me like an animal for 3 hours! Do you have any idea what that's like? (Pause, Hayley glares) Stan: And now I'm not hungry. (As Fred leaves his office with a box of his stuff) Stan: Hang in there, Fred. You're going to beat this. Jackson: We're rooting for you, buddy. Dick: Remember, "terminal, fatal, inoperable" - just words. (Fred's elevator door closes, others rush into his office) Jackson: Hole puncher is mine! Dick: I got the stapler! Jackson: Dibs on his medical marijuana! Dick: Hey, Stan, don't you want some of Fred's stuff? It's not contagious. Stan: Oh, I'm getting the biggest prize. Jackson: His wife? Stan: His job. I've been working Bullock for that promotion since Fred's first nosebleed. Bullock: Attention, everyone. Here are the invitations to the annual CIA family carnival. This is a top-secret gathering, so you'll want to memorize the time and location immediately - Stan: Done! (Eats invitation) Bullock: Because the invitations will self-destruct in three seconds. (Everyone's invitations burn up and disintegrate) Stan: (Coughs) Still better than my wife's cooking, eh? (Laughs, everyone leaves) I'm pooping blood tonight. TV Announcer: Watch Paris and Nicole debase themselves as they desperately cling to their last shred of stardom. Hayley: All you do is sit on your ass all day. You're such a loser! Roger: (Gasps) I am not a loser! Hayley, you take that back! Hayley: Okay, Roger, maybe I went too... (Roger throws his drink in her face, they start fighting on the ground) Stan: Hayley, what the hell's wrong with you?! Finish him! (Drops gun on the ground) Francine: No, I just cleaned this carpet. Steve: Hey, dad, I need you to sign this permission slip. They're teaching sex education at school. Stan: Hmm. Could you give us a moment, Steve? (Pulls lever, Steve falls through trap door) Francine: What was that for? Stan: He's only 14. I don't want some unionized pervert teaching my son about nature's filthy secret. Francine: But, honey, Steve is at that age. And they're just trying to give him a little knowledge. Stan: "They"? Who's "they"? The smut-peddling flag burners, or the God-killing tree huggers? Steve: Tree huggers, I think! Stan: Well, it's clear what must be done. We have to burn the school to the ground. Francine: Stan! Stan: Fine, fine, we'll talk to the principal. (Francine leaves) Stan: (Takes out his lighter) Soon, my pet. Soon I will feed you to the world. |
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