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Funny Quotes From American Dad
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Roger: Hey, you're in my seat.
Hayley: Sorry. Early bird gets the worm.
Roger: "Early bird gets the worm," huh? Huh. Enjoy the seat. (Close-up to him narrowing his eyes) Enjoy... the seat.

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Stan: (After getting shot) Hayley... tell Roger... he's annoying. (Collapses)

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Hayley: Look, Dad, now that you can't work at the CIA, have you given any thought to what you want to do with your life?
Stan: I sure have. I want to make a difference. I want to be an activist.
Hayley: Really?! Oh, that's great, Dad! (Hugs him)
Stan: Thanks, honey. Come on over here and give your dad a hug. (Briefly surprised, Hayley steps in front of Stan and gives him another hug)

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Steve: These people aren't rich. Look at their house. It's a box!

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Stan: (About the ride) You come out the exit wound! Whee!

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Klaus: (After Francine smashes a wine bottle) Ugh, that's the worst thing to happen to wine since the movie "Sideways." (Looks to the camera) That's right, America. Come get me!

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Roger: (Reading US Weekly) Stars, they're just like us. Ooh! Here's Tara Reid buying a gallon of vodka and a case of morning-after pills. I drink gallons of vodka. I should be a star.

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Stan: Good God, Francine, your roots are showing!
Francine: I know. My hairdresser lost his touch when he decided he was straight. Apparently, it is a choice. Stan: Yes, it is.
Francine: Absolutely. Anyway, the only good hairdresser left is Mr. Beauregard, but it's impossible to get an appointment unless you know somebody.
Klaus: But you do know somebody, Francine. You know Roger. Oh, wait, he's just a nobody.
Roger: (Gasps) Don't... cry in front of the fish. (Runs off crying)

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