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Funny Quotes From American Dad
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Francine: I can't believe you lied to me all these years.
Stan: And the best part is, I'm still lying to you about a bunch of other stuff.

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Hayley: So, you're a despicable CIA fascist like my father
Jack: No, doll face, I work for the Scarlet Alliance. It's more secret, more deadly, and everyone wears a turtleneck.
Klaus: Sounds like a disco I used to frequent in Berlin. I did lines with Falco in the men's room. Greedy, greedy Falco.

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Francine: Yeah. About your amazing dad. I still can't believe you kept this from me.
Stan: But... he said not to tell.
Francine: But I'm your wife.
Stan: And he's my dad. That's nature's wife! Don't you get it, Francine? The whole reason I joined the CIA was to be like him.
Francine: What kind of man abandons his family for 20 years?
Stan: Only the manliest man in the world. Honestly, you should be having sex with him right now. He'd do you right. You want me to go get him? I don't think he's asleep.

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Francine: You quit the CIA?!
Stan: That's right! I have a chance to join the Scarlet Alliance.
Francine: A chance?! You don't even have the job yet? What about your family?!
Stan: Francine, this is my dream. My life will finally be rich with adventure.
Francine: Oh! Adventure. Hold on. (Grabs phone) Hello? MasterCard? Do you accept payment in the form of adventure?
Stan: But...
Francine: (Still pretending to be on the phone) Hello? Colleges? I'd like to pay my son's tuition. I don't have any money, but my husband is rich in adventure! ("Hangs up")
Stan: Well, what'd they say?

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Jack: Okay, these are blueprints of the National Gallery of Art.
Stan: Finally! All-out war against artists. I've longed for this day.
Jack: No, Stan. Terrorists have smuggled uranium in a shipment of Egyptian artwork.
Stan: Terrorists? You mean Al-Qaeda?
Jack: Al-Qaeda? Please! Al-Qaeda wishes they could cater these guys' parties. We have to break into the museum and get the uranium before they do.
Roger: No! It's too dangerous! You and I could be so happy together.
Jack: What?
Roger: I said, Cheez-It? (Walks away slowly)

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Francine: (Answering door) Hello. Are you from a religion? Because we're happy with the God we have now.

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Jack: Son, breaking into a vault is like making love to a woman.
Stan: Right, so we should pound on it for, like, two minutes?
Jack: No, you've got to gently work the dials until she surrenders. And it opens.

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Stan: (To his father, after shocking Francine) Dad, you missed it!
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