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Funny Quotes From American Dad
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Page 41
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Old Woman: How much for the porcelain poodles?
Stan: $178,000.
Old Woman: I may be back!

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Peter: Okay, Terry, what is Greg's favorite appetizer?
Terry: Oh, that's easy. It's... potato skins!
Greg: No, it's wasabi tuna in a raddichio sauce.
Terry: Even I think that's gay.

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Dr. Gupta: When you ran over your wife - twice - it caused her brain to detach from her central nervous system. She's what we, in the medical profession, call "a husk."
Roger: I've heard of that.
Dr. Gupta: We can reattach her brain, but it's an experimental procedure your insurance won't cover.
Stan: That's my wife. I don't care how much it is, I'll pay it!
Dr. Gupta: It's $178,000.
Stan: What if I don't need her to talk?

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Dr. Gupta: Hello, I'm Dr. Gupta. Yes, I'm a woman. I suppose you have a problem with that.
Stan: Uh, no. Is my wife gonna be okay?
Dr. Gupta: Are you questioning my competence?
Stan: No, I'm just concerned about my wife.
Dr. Gupta: Really? 'Cause the way you're looking at me, it seems like you're concerned with something else. (Opens her shirt and flashes Stan)

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Stan: What the hell was that?
Francine: (After being run over by Stan) I'm not hurt! It's a miracle!
Roger: (Inside the car; to Stan) I think you're still on top of it. Back up.
(Stan backs up and runs over Francine again)
Stan: Oh, my God! I hit Francine!
Roger: We should probably leave a note.

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Stan: Why the hell can't you just let this go?!
Roger: Because you were my first! (Cries)
Stan: I had no idea.
Roger: I wanted a buddy, but now I never want to see you again! (Leaves car)
(Stan starts to drive away; Roger comes back)
Roger: You were supposed to come after me!
Stan: What?! You crazy psycho-bitch! Leave me alone!

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Stan: Bobo, you crazy ol' herpes spreader! There's Lieutenant Herpes! Or is it Captain Herpes now? (Laughs)
Bobo: Stan? I haven't seen you since college. What are you doing here?
Stan: What do you mean? I'm here for my best friend's bachelor party! I got your eVite.
Bobo: Oh, my secretary must have accidentally sent that.
Stan: "Accidentally sent..." Get outta here, you crazy ol' herpes spreader!
Bobo: Will you please stop calling me that?
Stan: Oh, I got a present. It's an Asian sex doll. Huh, remember in college? You were always talking about climbing the Great Wall of Vagina? (Laughs)
Bobo: Uh, Stan, this is my future father-in-law, Reverend Hideki Obayashi.
Roger: Oh...
(Roger & Stan get kicked out)

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Francine: Come on, Roger. He'd never let you go.
Roger: Oh, I can be very persuasive.
(Scene changes; Stan opens his luggage; Roger jumps out)
Roger: Surprise!
(Stan points handgun at Roger)
Stan: (Crying) Look in your heart! I'm praying to you! Look in your heart! You can't do this. It's not right. It's a wrong situation. I couldn't help it, it's my nature. Somebody hands me an angle, I play it. I don't deserve to die for that! Do you think I do? This is not us! This is some hop dream! I'm praying to you! I can't die! I can't die out here in the woods!
Stan: What the hell are you talking about?
Roger: It's from my favorite movie, Miller's Crossing. Bravo, Joel and Ethan Coen. I mean, there are some proud parents, huh? Some nachas for the Coens?
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