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Funny Quotes From American Dad
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Bob: (After being put in Stan's prison camp) You can't do this!
Stan: Uh-huh. The United States Patriot Act says I can

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Francine: Wanna meet her?
Terry: No, I just want Greg to check out her sun-damaged skin. See, thatís the kind of leather I want for the couch in the den.
Greg: Mmm, yeah, nice.

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(On the roof, speaking through a megaphone)
Stan: Until you give the exact details of your next attack, I'm depriving you of sleep.
Linda: It's two in the afternoon.
Stan: No sleep! That's right. Starting to get uncomfortable, isn't it? Sure would be nice to feel the gentle embrace of the sandman's spell as he warbles his sweet... lilting... lullaby... (Snores, falls off roof)

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(In a jail cell)
Stan: Hey, all I was trying to do was keep my country and my family safe.
Prisoner: I hear you. All I was trying to do was keep my little sister safe by killing her boyfriend and eating his brain.
Stan: Let's be friends.

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Bob: Hey, Stan. Cheese platter?
Stan: Great. I'll just put it here on the international table.
(Drops platter into trash can)
Stan: Anyway, glad you could make it.
(Starts frisking Bob)
Bob: Are you frisking me?
Stan: Oh, uh, frisking you? No, no, no. This is just how white people say hello. Hey, grab me a beer.
(Bob bends over in front of cooler, Stan puts on a white glove)
Stan: Yeah, keep digging. Cold ones are at the bottom. (Squirts cream on his glove)
Bob: (Sees Stan) What the hell are you doing?
Stan: What, I like to check orifices for explosives. It's a quirk, indulge me. (Bob walks off) Not very neighborly.

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Stan: So, what part of Islam do you hail from?
Bob: Well, my parents were from Iran, but I was born in Cleveland.
Stan: Really? You know, we also have a Cleveland here in America. And it'd be just super if you didn't blow it up.
Francine: So, the block party starts at 3:00pm and goes 'till question mark. It's pot luck, so bring whatever you want.
Stan: But not smallpox. (Laughing) Kidding. Kind of joking, but not really.

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Francine: Wow, I'm so proud of you. You actually are being fun.
Stan: Well, Francine, F-U... N. That spells "fun." And that's what I am. A guy that spells "fun."

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(Playing a video game)
Steve: The alien in this video game is awesome. He shoots laser beams, he levitates -- he's the coolest alien ever!
(Roger glares at Steve)
Steve: Oh, I didn't mean...
Roger: No, no, no, no, you said it. It's out there. Now we have to live with it.
Steve: Well, it's kind of true. You don't have any special powers, do you?
Roger: Well, I'm a good listener. Do you know how rare that is in this universe?
Steve: Yeah, that'll take down an F-14. Can't you do anything?
Roger: Well, I can get my feelings hurt and throw a world-class hissy fit!
(Throws game controller on the floor, walks off)
Klaus: I wish he'd get sick, like ET.
funny games
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