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Funny Quotes From American Dad
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Stan: (Picks up telephone) This is Stan Smith.
Principal Lewis: Mr. Smith, I'm afraid there's a problem with your son.
Stan: Oh, God, he's gay. This is it. This is the gay call. I've been ready for this for years. (Starts chugging down pills)
Principal Lewis: Uhh, no. It's just that he's gone mad with power. He evacuated the entire school and barricaded himself in my office.
Stan: I see. (Foam starts coming out of his mouth) Henry, antidote!

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Stan: (With gun, searching the house) Osama, is that you? (Hears noise, fires gun)
Roger: Geez, Stan, what gives? Holy Toledo, you killed your son's dog! And don't ask me to bring him back with that E.T. finger thing because that's a giant load of crap.

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(The dog lifts its leg)
Stan: Oh, damn it! He's gonna pee! No, no, no! (Instead of peeing, dust comes out) Nope, just dust.

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Girl: Hey, I love your dog.
Guy: Hey, want to come back to my apartment and pet my schnauzer?
Girl: Okay.
Guy: And then we can play with this dog.

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(Roger breaks the chair he's sitting on)
Roger: Oh, don't everybody help at once.
Francine: My goodness, Roger! When was the last time you weighed yourself?
Roger: Oh, oh, ow. Ow, Francine. You know, we can't all look like those anorexic aliens on the James Cameron movies.
Francine: I'm sorry, Roger, but I'm putting you on a diet. Starting today, no more junk food. (Takes Roger's donut)
Roger: What?! No, not my Frankenberries! Oh, Francine! Please be reasonable! (Gets on table trying to get his donuts, breaks table) Oh, God! I got a bear claw in my ass!

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(Stan unloads a clip into a toaster)
Hayley: It's just toast, Dad.
Stan: This time it was toast, Hayley. This time.

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Stan: Francine, you be very careful out there today, we're at terror alert orange! Which means something might go down somewhere in someway in some point in time, SO LOOK SHARP!

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Stan: Here's your allowance, champ!
Steve: Wow... a whole five bucks.
Stan: Yeah, I'm gonna need change.
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