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Funny Quotes From American Dad
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Steve: Anyway, Dad, my English teacher, Mr. Durbin, is your biggest fan. Can I get your autograph for him?
Stan: Sure. "To Mr. Durbin, keep on rockin'. Yours in Christ."
Hayley: Dad, that's Steve's report card.

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Stan: I look around me and I see it isn't so! Steve: What? Stan: I mean, why'd you cheat? Steve: I'm sorry. It's just, creative writing is hard. I can't do it. Stan: "Can't"? We don't live in "Ameri-can't," Steve. We live in America. No, no, no, no, wait. We live in "Ameri-can." No, wait, that's not right, wait. We are "Ameri-can." Where was I going with this? Steve: Um, I said, "Creative writing is hard." Stan: Oh, yeah, yeah. Perseverance, Steve, it's all about perseverance. And if I Ameri-can't teach you about it, I have a friend who Ameri-will. Well, that sounded good. Had a bumpy start there, but I think I pulled it together.

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Stan: Steve, meet Patriot Pigeon.
Steve: You wrote a children's book?
Stan: No, Steve, I wrote 3,012 children's books, each chronicling the adventures of Patriot Pigeon, who battles America's enemies by dropping red, white, and blue turds of justice.

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Francine: Mr. Beauregard, I would love for you to put expelled uterine matter in my hair.
Mr. Beauregard: Hmm. If I were you, I'd take your hair behind a shed and shoot it.

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Francine: Anything for me?
Stan: (Looking through mail) Just a postcard that says your hair looks like crap. Hey, it's from me.

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Roger: A book about me? (Gasps) I'm gonna be a star! Steve, you're the best! Oh, my God, Stan, how upset are you? Seriously, on a scale from one to pissed. Oh, who gives a flying fig? I'm a star!
(Laughs)

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Stan: Ugh, Francine, when I look at your hair, I doubt I could eat the amount I want to vomit.

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Bill Publisherman: Well, then, what you need is to get Steve on Cap'n Monty's Book Cavalcade, the hottest children's book show in Langley Falls.
Stan: Great, put him on.
Bill Publisherman: I'd love to, but to get on, he needs to have the number one children's book in town. And to get that, he'll need a hook.
Stan: Right. We'll cut off one of his hands. People love the disfigured... and fear them.
Bill Publisherman: No, a hook, an angle, a gimmick. Hmm. Is the boy gay?
Stan: Why? Could that be a hook?
Bill Publisherman: Hook?

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