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Funny Quotes From American Dad
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Steve: I can't believe you muscled out your own son. You stink, dad.
Stan: Oh, come on, what's more important, your hopes and dreams, or me making more than your mother?!

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Stan: You unionized the homeless?!
Hayley: Yep, this is the Fighting Bums Local 302.
(Bums start cheering)
Hayley: Here are our demands.
Stan: "Longer red lights at freeway off-ramps, free doggy day care, human dignity"? I can't meet these demands.

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(At a restaurant dinner table)
Hayley: Here's to mom. She's finally cast off the shackles of domestic servitude and realized her potential as a smart, independent woman.
Stan: Hayley, how would you like a punch in the face?

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Man: Good news. Apparently, that batch of virus was inert, so that means...
Stan: We're going to be okay.
Man: Yes, although apparently your manners died years ago. (Pause) You're welcome.

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Stan: What makes you think you're gonna survive?
Roger: My species is immune to all human ailments.
Stan: So explain that cold sore.
Roger: Mind your own business!

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Stan: Well, we have 24 hours to live, let's make the most of it and watch this box set of 24 on DVD.

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Steve: I can't believe I'm gonna die a virgin.
Francine: Aw, sweetie, there was a 70-80% chance of that happening, anyway.

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Stan: (After seeing Scab Bum) Who the hell is that?
Steve: He doesn't have a name.
Stan: What?
Steve: He killed his own name.
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