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Funny Quotes From American Dad
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Francine: (To Tuttle) Say hi to Betty for me!
Tuttle: Oh, I would, but she died six months ago. The big C.
Francine: Cancer?
Tuttle: No, the big letter C from the Coca-Cola sign. Fell right on top of her.

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(Car runs out of gas)
Stan: Stupid gas-guzzler, that I as an American have every right to drive.

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Father Donovan: (To parishioners, at church) Wow. Sunday again, huh? Boy, that pissed by, didn't it? Least tomorrow's TGIM. (Laughs, everyone stares) What? You got something better?!
Stan: Father, may I say a few words?
Father Donovan: (Sighs) Whatever. (Mumbles, as he leaves) Man, I remember when I used to be able to smoke in here.

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Mexican Doctor: Did you say "alien baby"?
Stan: No. I said, "Doctor's corpse found in desert."
Mexican Doctor: Oh, right. Right.

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Hayley: Steve, are you sure you want to have this child?
Steve: Yeah, I... I guess so. Roger, what do you say? You ready, partner?
Roger: Oh, yeah. Fatherhood. Jazzed. It's not like I wanted to do anything with my life, like learn to surf or go to Jerusalem.
Steve: Are you... are you drunk?
Roger: Get used to it! (Slams door)

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Stan: I'm sorry, but I have to resign as deacon.
(Everyone gasps)
Whiny Parishioner: But whhhhhhhy?

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Francine: Okay, if it means that much to you, I guess we can bring chips and dip to the wake.
Stan: Chips and dip? Oh, I tell you what, Francine. Why don't you just take this broom here and I'll bend over and grab my ankles, you lube up the handle real good and just sweep me out the door! 'Cause that's what'll happen to my chances at Deacon if the best we can do is chips and dip.

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Steve: What am I gonna do?!
Hayley: Whatever you want. You know, a pregnant boy still has the right to choose.
Stan: Not in this house he doesn't... we're Conservatives and the one way we don't like to kill things is that way.
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