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Funny Quotes From American Dad
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Page 41
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Stan: Come on, Francine! Watch me blow it's head off! (In car) DIE! DIE!... So that you may know peace.

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Francine: How's everyone's French toast?
Stan: Smelly and ungrateful, but this American toast is delicious.

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Lindsay: Hey, Jewel, Steve here's gonna set you up on a date.
Steve: Jewel, I'd like you to meet my friends.
Toshi: Godzilla!
(Everyone runs away)

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(Francine lying down inside the "Dave Chappelle Freakout Tent")
Stan: Don't worry, I'm leaving. I just wanted you to be safe. (Francine vomits on Stan) You're the best thing that ever happened to me and I took it for granted. I'm just happy... (Francine vomits on Stan again) ... uh, that I got the privilege to be with you for the time that I did. (Francine vomits on Stan again) Okay, my shoes are full. I better go now. I love you, Francine. It's a little late, but... (With tears in his eyes) ... happy anniversary.
(Francine remembering the raccoon saying, in an English accent, "remember...")
Francine: Stan?
Stan: Francine?
Francine: Stan, it was so weird, and I was alone and confused. And there was this raccoon, and I knew who I was again.
Stan: Oh, Francine, thank God. I love you.
Francine: I love you, too, Stan.
(Francine & Stan kiss, Francine vomits in Stan's mouth, Stan spits it out)
Stan: That was gross. I still love you.

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(Stan opens front door and flips light switch, Francine throws plate at wall next to him, angrily)
Stan: Oh, good, you're up. I, uh, have a very special anniversary surprise for you -- your favorite song, sung by America's sweetheart -- Whitney Houston.
Whitney: Come on, daddy. I, I need my fix.
Stan: Remember the deal, Whitney. First you sing, then you get your precious cocaine.
Whitney: How dare you?! Do you think I would... ?
(Stan waves bag of cocaine in front of her)
Whitney: (Singing) No matter what they take from me, they can't take away my dignity... (Dives in an attempt to get cocaine from Stan, falls flat on her face on floor)
Stan: Happy anniversary, sweetheart.
Francine: (Grabs bag of cocaine) Come on, Whitney -- go get it. (Throws bag of cocaine out the front door, Whitney crawls out to get it)

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Francine: You know what? If you don't get why this day is so important to me, then I guess you never will!
Stan: Sweetie, I made a mistake. Can't you take a page from that bitch Hilary Clinton and just let it go?

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Stan: (Watching Sesame Street) Shoot him! Shoot him!
Elmo: Hahaha! Big Bird, just share it [a cookie] with Cookie Monster.
Stan: Don't trust him! He just pretends to eat cookies, but he never swallows anything!

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(Trying to get Francine to remember Stan)
Francine: I feel like we've met before.
Stan: Nope, this is the first time, Francine.
Francine: What?
Stan: Nothing. Stick of your favorite gum?
Francine: What?
Stan: Nothing.
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