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Funny Quotes From American Dad
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Francine: Stan, doesn't today have some special significance for you?
Stan: Today? Wait, is today the 14th?
Francine: Yes, yes it is.
Stan: Good God! How could I forget a date so dear to my heart? It's the big CIA fishing trip. (Throws breakfast plate on bed) You're gonna to do the laundry anyway, right? Hmm, no time to poop. I'll just do it on the way down the stairs. You're gonna vacuum anyway, right?

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Jewel: I'm a loser!
Roger: Don't be like that. You're not a loser. Think how pretty you make people look by contrast. That's a gift!

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Francine: Look, you're a stiff. I could never fall in love with a suit like you.
Stan: A suit like me?! Well, then I'll get rid of the suit! (Takes off all his clothes) Huh? Huh? Look at me -- nothing stiff here!

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Francine: I just can't believe Stan forgot our anniversary.
Klaus: I would never forget our anniversary.
Francine: We have an anniversary?
Klaus: October 25th. The day you forgot to put on underpants. Let's celebrate early. Quick, straddle mein bowl.

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(Air support shoots missiles into ocean, dead Ariel floats to surface)
Stan: Look, it's Ariel! Hey, Jackson, you ever do it with a dead mermaid?
Jackson: Mermaid? No.

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Bullock: The last 20 years of your wife's memory have been erased.
Stan: Well, go ahead and undo it.
Bullock: Reverse brain erasing? Now, that's just science fiction.
CIA Temp: Kind of like the female orgasm.
(Everyone laughs)

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(After Roger hits the two girls with the frying pan, leaving them knocked out)
Roger: Did you see where they went?
Steve: Who?
Roger: The black guys who did this.

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CIA Temp: A little longer and their last 24 hours will be completely forgotten.
Steve: Oh, thank God.
Stan: You are not off the hook, mister. I am deeply disappointed in you.
Steve: Dad, I was with this one. (Points to Lindsay)
Stan: Oh! Well, outstanding.
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