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Funny Quotes From American Dad
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Stan: (Reading "The Erotic Reagan" book) Francine, why are you dressed so nice? Those chicks from The View aren't going to burst in here and give me a TV makeover, are they?
Francine: I'm going to an art gallery. I'm trying to make a good impression on the Ladybugs.
Stan: (Sadly) So... no makeover?
Francine: If they like me, it's goodbye, boring routine. Hello, exciting charity events, social functions, and book clubs where we just get drunk and complain about our husbands' lack of interest.
Stan: (Still reading) What, now? I'm sorry, I wasn't paying attention. (Laughs) Not even a little.

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Stan: (About the dog) What the hell is that?
Francine: This is Fussy. His owner was killed, and he needs a home.
Stan: No way, Francine. We're Smiths, and Smiths have manly dogs. This dog couldn't be any more effeminate, even if it had 20 vaginas. And then it would just be a freakish mutant. Or a beautiful symbol of fertility.
Francine: But...
Stan: Forget it, Francine. We already have something girly and annoying in this house. It's called Roger.

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Francine: Kristy! Remember me? Francine? Oh, how I wish I could peel off your skin, put it on, and be you. I mean... hi.

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Stan: Damn it, Roger, I've told you a million times. No smoking in the house!
Roger: And I told you, it's menthol. So, it's healthier than an apple.

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Stan: (Blows air horn) Francine, it's 5:58! Two-minute dinner warning!
Hayley: Dad, you can't treat Mom like a...
(Stan blows air horn)
Stan: Sorry, Hayley, my finger slipped.
Hayley: I said, you can't just...
(Stan blows air horn again)
Stan: That's odd. I guess this'll just have to wait until I don't have an air horn in my hand.

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Roger: (To Stan) Don't be starting what you can't finish, bitch.

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Francine: (After Linda saves her life by kissing her) What are you doing here?
Linda: Duh, it's Wednesday, our grocery shopping day.
Francine: Isn't that crazy? I thought my boring routine was killing me, but it ended up saving my life. And that fake lesbian kiss, what a great idea!
Linda: Fake? Oh, yeah... of course. Fake.

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Francine: Did you find your dog, honey?
Stan: Fussy is gone, let's just leave it at that. Wasn't someone trying to kill you or something?
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